From Healing to Happiness: A Clinical Psychologist’s Guide to Overcoming Depression and Anxiety

The Benefits of Daily Cold Showers: My personal experience and a comprehensive guide

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 08:49:26 GMT

The Benefits of Daily Cold Showers: A Comprehensive Guide

Cold showers have gained popularity for their potential health benefits, both mental and physical. This article delves into the research-backed advantages of incorporating cold showers into your daily routine and provides practical protocols to maximize their effectiveness. Here, I share my personal journey over 230 days of embracing cold showers and the profound impact it had on my life.

Mental Health Benefits

1. Mood Improvement Cold showers can significantly enhance mood by increasing the levels of endorphins and norepinephrine. These chemicals are known to alleviate symptoms of depression and promote a sense of well-being. The sudden exposure to cold water triggers a release of these neurotransmitters, leading to an immediate uplift in mood.

Personal Story : On day 15, I noticed a shift in my mood. The initial shock of the cold water was jarring, but as I stood under the icy stream, I felt a surge of energy and positivity. It was as if the cold water washed away my worries, leaving me with a sense of clarity and happiness that lasted throughout the day.

2. Stress Reduction Regular cold showers can help manage stress by reducing cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress. The body’s response to cold water immersion involves a reduction in cortisol production, which can lead to a calmer and more balanced state of mind. This practice can be particularly beneficial for individuals dealing with chronic stress.

Personal Story : By day 45, I began to see a noticeable reduction in my stress levels. The cold showers became a daily ritual that helped me reset and manage the pressures of work and life. Each time I stepped under the cold water, I reminded myself, “I am discomfort,” embracing the sensation and allowing it to ground me in the present moment.

3. Increased Alertness The shock of cold water can act as a natural stimulant, increasing alertness and energy levels. This effect is similar to the boost provided by caffeine but without the associated jitters. Starting your day with a cold shower can help you feel more awake and ready to tackle the day’s challenges.

Personal Story : On day 60, I realized that my morning cold showers had become my secret weapon for staying alert and focused. The initial jolt of cold water was invigorating, and I found myself more productive and energized throughout the day. It was a powerful way to kickstart my mornings.

Physical Health Benefits

1. Immune System Boost Cold showers may enhance the immune system by increasing the production of white blood cells, which help fight off infections. Regular exposure to cold water can train the body to respond more effectively to stressors, potentially reducing the frequency of illnesses.

Personal Story : By day 90, I noticed that I hadn’t caught a cold or any minor illnesses, which was unusual for me. I attributed this to the regular cold showers, which seemed to be boosting my immune system and keeping me healthier overall.

2. Improved Circulation Cold water exposure activates the cardiovascular system, improving blood flow and circulation. This can lead to better overall cardiovascular health and may help prevent conditions such as hypertension. Improved circulation also means that more oxygen and nutrients are delivered to vital organs and tissues.

Personal Story : On day 120, I felt a significant improvement in my circulation. My hands and feet, which were often cold, felt warmer, and I had more energy during my workouts. The cold showers were clearly having a positive impact on my cardiovascular health.

3. Muscle Recovery Athletes often use cold water immersion to reduce muscle soreness and speed up recovery after intense physical activity. The cold water helps to constrict blood vessels, reducing inflammation and swelling. This practice can be particularly useful after strenuous workouts or competitions.

Personal Story : By day 150, I started incorporating cold showers after my workouts. The difference was remarkable. My muscles felt less sore, and I recovered faster, allowing me to train harder and more consistently.

Protocols for Cold Showers

1. Gradual Adaptation For those new to cold showers, it’s important to start gradually. Begin with lukewarm water and slowly decrease the temperature over a few days or weeks. This allows your body to adapt to the cold and reduces the initial shock.

Personal Story : On day 1, I started with lukewarm water and gradually decreased the temperature. By day 10, I was able to withstand the cold water without feeling overwhelmed. This gradual approach made the transition much easier.

2. Duration Aim for a duration of 2-3 minutes under cold water. This is typically sufficient to experience the benefits without causing undue discomfort. As you become more accustomed to the cold, you can gradually increase the duration to 5 minutes or more.

Personal Story : By day 30, I was able to stay under the cold water for 3 minutes. I focused on deep, controlled breathing, which helped me manage the discomfort and stay calm.

3. Breathing Techniques Practice deep, controlled breathing while under the cold water. This can help manage the initial shock and make the experience more tolerable. Focus on slow, deep breaths to calm your nervous system and reduce the urge to gasp.

Personal Story : On day 75, I started using deep breathing techniques to stay under the cold water longer. This practice not only helped me manage the cold but also improved my overall breathing and relaxation skills.

4. Consistency Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of cold showers. Aim to incorporate them into your daily routine, ideally in the morning to kickstart your day with increased alertness and energy.

Personal Story : By day 100, cold showers had become a non-negotiable part of my morning routine. The consistency paid off, and I felt more resilient and energized every day.

5. Combining with Warm Showers For those who find it difficult to start with a full cold shower, consider alternating between warm and cold water. Start with a warm shower and finish with 30 seconds to 1 minute of cold water. This can help ease the transition and still provide many of the benefits.

Personal Story : On day 200, I experimented with alternating between warm and cold water. This approach made the experience more enjoyable and still allowed me to reap the benefits of cold exposure.

Conclusion

While more research is needed to fully understand the long-term effects, current studies indicate that daily cold showers can offer several mental and physical health benefits. By following the suggested protocols, you can maximize the effectiveness of cold water exposure and potentially improve your overall well-being. Whether you’re looking to boost your mood, reduce stress, or enhance physical recovery, cold showers may be a simple yet powerful addition to your daily routine.

Personal Reflection : Over the 230 days, I learned to embrace the discomfort and see it as an opportunity for growth. The practice of staying under the cold water until I conquered the urge to get out bolstered my mental resilience, focus and control. It was like the intelligent rider regaining control of the powerful elephant, a metaphor that resonated deeply with me. This journey not only improved my physical health but also strengthened my mental fortitude.

References

Stanford Longevity. (2024, May 22). Jumping into the ice bath trend: Mental health benefits of cold water immersion. Retrieved from https://longevity.stanford.edu/lifestyle/2024/05/22/jumping-into-the-ice-bath-trend-mental-health-benefits-of-cold-water-immersion/

The Conversation. (2022, April 14). Cold showers: A scientist explains if they are as good for you as Wim Hof the Iceman suggests. Retrieved from https://theconversation.com/cold-showers-a-scientist-explains-if-they-are-as-good-for-you-as-wim-hof-the-iceman-suggests-181678

Verywell Health. (2023, March 15). Are cold showers good for you?. Retrieved from https://www.verywellhealth.com/are-cold-showers-good-for-you-7094732

Corelli, C. (2023, June 10). Freezing out depression: The psychological benefits of a cold shower. Retrieved from https://www.carlacorelli.com/mental-health/freezing-out-depression-the-psychological-benefits-of-a-cold-shower/

The Emotional and Financial Impact of Unhappy Marriages and Divorce

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 15:00:31 GMT

Unhappy Marriages and Divorce: A short, but Deep Dive into the Emotional and Financial Consequences

The Emotional Toll

In the realm of emotions, unhappy marriages can be a breeding ground for feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration. The constant discord and lack of understanding can escalate these negative emotions, potentially leading to severe mental health issues such as depression and anxiety1 .

Divorce, while sometimes a necessary step towards self-preservation and happiness, is not without its emotional costs. Feelings of guilt, shame, and a sense of failure often accompany the process of separation1 . Moreover, the impact on children can be significant, leading to emotional distress and behavioral issues1 .

The Financial Burden

The financial implications of an unhappy marriage and divorce are often underestimated. Impulsive spending, a common coping mechanism in unhappy marriages, can lead to financial instability2 .

The cost of divorce can be staggering. The average cost of a divorce is $15,000 per person, which can rise to $100,000 in more complicated situations, such as custody disputes 3 . The transition from a dual-income household to a single-income household can pose additional financial challenges3 .

The Statistics Speak

Research suggests that couples who divorce or separate suffer decreased psychological well-being compared to couples who remain married4 . In fact, people who are divorced or widowed are 20% more likely to suffer from long-term health problems, such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, or other chronic health issues5 .

Financially, women are more likely to suffer after a divorce, with some reports citing that a divorced woman can lose between 25-50% of their pre-divorce income2 .

The Path to Mitigation

Despite the severe impacts of unhappy marriages and divorce, there are ways to mitigate these effects. Communication training can help individuals express their feelings more effectively, potentially resolving conflicts and improving the quality of the marriage1 .

Personal healing, such as therapy and counseling, can also be beneficial. These services provide a safe space for individuals to express their feelings and learn coping strategies1 .

Conclusion

Unhappy marriages and divorce can have significant emotional and financial impacts. However, through communication training and personal healing, it is possible to mitigate these effects and move towards a happier, healthier future.

Remember, it’s never too late to seek help and make a positive change in your life. Your happiness and well-being are worth fighting for.

References

: Waite, L. J., & Hughes, M. E. (2022). The Real Long-Term Physical and Mental Health Effects of Divorce. Psychology Today 5 . : Waite, L. J., & Doherty, W. J. (2002). Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages. ResearchGate4 . : Forbes Finance Council. (2022). The Financial Impact Of Divorce. Forbes 3 . : Patrick, W. L. (2022). How Common Are “Loveless Marriages”? Psychology Today1 . : The Venn Diagram of Life. (2022). 5 Reasons People Stay in Unhappy Marriages. Psychology Today 2 .

How Developmental Trauma Can Lead to Pathological Lying and Avoidance

Mon, 21 Aug 2023 18:35:52 GMT

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How to Find and Live Your Ikigai: 10 Rules for Mental Health and Longevity

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 11:53:57 GMT

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being”. It is the source of happiness and fulfillment that makes you feel alive and motivated. It is the intersection of what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

Finding and living your ikigai can have many benefits for your mental health and longevity. Studies have shown that people who have a strong sense of purpose and meaning in life tend to live longer, healthier, and happier lives. They also have lower levels of stress, depression, and anxiety, and higher levels of resilience, optimism, and self-esteem.

But how can you find and live your ikigai? Here are 10 rules that can help you on your journey, along with the neurological and hormonal explanations of why they are important:

1. Find your ikigai

The first step is to discover your ikigai, your reason for being. To do this, you can ask yourself four questions:

What do you love to do?
What are you good at?
What does the world need from you?
What can you be paid for?

Try to find the common thread that connects these four aspects of your life. This is your ikigai, your passion and mission that gives you joy and satisfaction.

Finding your ikigai can activate the reward system in your brain, which involves the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. These chemicals can enhance your mood, motivation, and pleasure.

2. Pursue your ikigai with balance and harmony

Once you have found your ikigai, the next step is to pursue it with passion and perseverance. However, this does not mean that you should overwork yourself or neglect other aspects of your life. You should also seek balance and harmony in your activities and relationships.

Remember that ikigai is not a goal, but a process. It is not something that you achieve once and for all, but something that you constantly work on and improve. It is also something that can change over time, as you grow and evolve as a person.

Pursuing your ikigai with balance and harmony can regulate the stress response in your body, which involves the secretion of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can help you cope with challenges and threats, but too much of them can harm your health.

3. Cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation

Another rule for living your ikigai is to cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation for your ikigai and everything else in your life. Be mindful of the present moment and enjoy the small pleasures that make you happy.

Gratitude can help you appreciate what you have, rather than focusing on what you lack. It can also help you cope with challenges and difficulties, by reminding you of the positive aspects of your situation. Gratitude can also enhance your well-being, by boosting your mood, health, and relationships.

Cultivating a sense of gratitude and appreciation can modulate the immune system in your body, which involves the production of cytokines and antibodies. These molecules can help you fight off infections and diseases, but too little or too much of them can cause inflammation.

4. Connect with others who share your ikigai or support your journey

You are not alone in your quest for finding and living your ikigai. You can connect with others who share your ikigai or support your journey. These people can be your friends, family, colleagues, mentors, or role models.

One way to find such people is to join a moai, a close-knit group of friends who provide social and emotional support. Moais are common in Okinawa, Japan, where people live longer than anywhere else in the world. Moais can help you stay motivated, inspired, accountable, and happy.

Another way to find such people is to seek mentorship and guidance from those who have more experience or wisdom in your field. They can offer you valuable advice, feedback, and insights that can help you improve your skills and knowledge.

Connecting with others who share your ikigai or support your journey can stimulate the social system in your brain, which involves the release of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and vasopressin. These chemicals can enhance your trust, bonding, and empathy.

5. Keep learning and growing in your ikigai

Learning and growing are essential parts of living your ikigai. You should always challenge yourself to improve your skills and knowledge, and seek feedback from others. You should also be open to new ideas and perspectives that can enrich your understanding.

Learning and growing can help you stay curious, creative, and innovative in your ikigai. They can also help you adapt to changing circumstances and overcome obstacles. Learning and growing can also increase your self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-actualization.

Learning and growing in your ikigai can strengthen the cognitive system in your brain, which involves the formation of new neurons and synapses. These structures can enhance your memory, learning, and creativity.

6. Share your ikigai with the world

Your ikigai is not only for yourself, but also for the world. You should use your talents and passions to contribute to the common good and make a positive difference. You should also inspire others with your work and your story.

Sharing your ikigai with the world can help you create value and meaning for yourself and others. It can also help you connect with like-minded people who appreciate your work and support your vision. Sharing your ikigai with the world can also increase your sense of fulfillment, recognition, and impact.

Sharing your ikigai with the world can activate the altruistic system in your brain, which involves the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. These chemicals can enhance your happiness, generosity, and meaning.

7. Embrace change and uncertainty as opportunities for growth and innovation

Change and uncertainty are inevitable parts of life. They can be scary or stressful, but they can also be opportunities for growth and innovation. You should embrace change and uncertainty as challenges that can help you learn and grow in your ikigai.

To embrace change and uncertainty, you should adopt a growth mindset, which is the belief that you can improve your abilities and outcomes through effort and feedback. You should also adopt a positive attitude, which is the tendency to focus on the bright side of things and expect the best possible outcomes.

Embracing change and uncertainty as opportunities for growth and innovation can stimulate the adaptive system in your brain, which involves the activation of neural networks that enable flexible thinking and behavior. These networks can enhance your resilience, curiosity, and innovation.

8. Respect and care for your body, mind, and spirit

Your body, mind, and spirit are the foundations of your ikigai. You should respect and care for them, by eating well, exercising regularly, sleeping enough, and avoiding unhealthy habits. You should also meditate, relax, and have fun. You should seek professional help if you need it.

Respecting and caring for your body, mind, and spirit can optimize the homeostatic system in your body, which involves the maintenance of a stable internal environment. This system can enhance your health, well-being, and quality of life.

9. Honor your ancestors and traditions, but also embrace diversity and modernity

Your ancestors and traditions are the roots of your ikigai. They are the sources of your values, beliefs, and customs that shape your identity and worldview. You should honor them, by learning from them, following them, or preserving them.

However, you should also embrace diversity and modernity, which are the branches of your ikigai. They are the sources of new experiences, ideas, and opportunities that enrich your life and broaden your horizons. You should embrace them, by exploring them, accepting them, or adapting to them.

Honor your ancestors and traditions, but also embrace diversity and modernity can help you balance continuity and change in your ikigai. They can also help you respect other cultures and beliefs, but also maintain your own identity.

10. Live each day as if it were your last, but also plan for the future

The final rule for living your ikigai is to live each day as if it were your last, but also plan for the future. This means that you should make the most of every moment, but also prepare for the next one.

Living each day as if it were your last can help you appreciate every opportunity, experience every emotion, and express every feeling. It can also help you avoid regrets, procrastination, and complacency. Living each day as if it were your last can also increase your happiness, satisfaction, and gratitude.

Planning for the future can help you set goals, make plans, and take actions that align with your ikigai. It can also help you anticipate challenges, overcome difficulties, and achieve success. Planning for the future can also increase your optimism, hopefulness, and resilience.

These are the 10 rules for finding and living your ikigai. By following these rules, you can discover your reason for being that makes you feel alive and fulfilled. You can also enjoy the benefits of having a strong sense of purpose and meaning in life that can boost your mental health and longevity.

How Stoicism and Therapy can Overlap to help heal Depression

Mon, 26 Jun 2023 11:02:42 GMT

10 Stoic Principles for Depression with SHIP Therapy

Depression is a common and serious mental health condition that affects millions of people around the world. It can cause persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness, and interfere with daily functioning and quality of life. While there are many effective treatments for depression, such as medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes, some people may also benefit from adopting a Stoic perspective on their situation.

Stoicism is an ancient school of philosophy that teaches how to live a virtuous and rational life in harmony with nature and reason. It helps us focus on the things we can control and accept the things we cannot, and cultivate a calm and resilient attitude towards challenges and adversities. Stoicism can help us deal with depression by reducing rumination, increasing self-efficacy, and promoting mindful attention to our own emotional state and behaviour.

SHIP therapy is a modern psychotherapeutic approach that stands for Spontaneous Healing Intra-systemic Process. It is based on the idea that we all have an innate ability to heal ourselves from emotional wounds that are stored in our subconscious mind. These wounds are caused by traumatic or stressful experiences that we have not fully processed or integrated. They manifest as symptoms such as depression, anxiety, anger, addiction, or physical illness. SHIP therapy helps us access and release these wounds by creating a safe and supportive environment where we can express our emotions freely and spontaneously .

SHIP therapy can complement Stoicism by providing a deeper understanding of the root causes of our depression, and by facilitating the healing process that can restore our natural state of well-being. SHIP therapy can also help us develop more compassion and empathy for ourselves and others, which are essential qualities for living a Stoic life.

Here are 10 Stoic principles that you can meditate and journal on while depressed, that might help you cope better with SHIP therapy:

Live in accordance with nature . This means applying reason to all our actions, instead of acting out of passion or impulse . It also means aligning ourselves with the natural order of things, and recognizing that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it. With SHIP therapy, this means trusting our innate healing ability, and allowing ourselves to experience whatever emotions arise during the sessions without judging or resisting them.

Live a life of virtue. This means living according to the four cardinal virtues of Stoicism: wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance . These virtues guide us to act in the best way possible in any situation, and to avoid vices such as ignorance, fear, injustice, and indulgence. With SHIP therapy, this means being honest and authentic with ourselves and our therapist, being brave and willing to face our emotional wounds, being fair and respectful to ourselves and others, and being moderate and balanced in our lifestyle choices.

Focus on what you can control. This means distinguishing between what is up to us and what is not up to us . We can control our own thoughts, opinions, judgments, decisions, actions, and reactions. We cannot control external events, circumstances, or other people’s thoughts, opinions, judgments, decisions, actions, or reactions. By focusing on what we can control, we can reduce our frustration and anxiety, and increase our sense of agency and empowerment. With SHIP therapy, this means taking responsibility for our own healing process, and not blaming others or ourselves for our condition. It also means being open and cooperative with our therapist, and following their guidance and suggestions.

Distinguish between good, bad, and indifferent things. This means understanding that the only things that are truly good or bad for us are our own actions and character . Everything else is indifferent, meaning that it does not affect our happiness or well-being by itself. It only becomes good or bad depending on how we use it or relate to it. For example, money is indifferent. It can be used for good or evil purposes. It can also be gained or lost without affecting our inner peace. With SHIP therapy, this means recognizing that our depression is not a bad thing in itself, but rather a symptom of an underlying wound that needs healing. It also means realizing that our healing process is not dependent on external factors, such as the duration or frequency of the sessions, or the outcome of a specific situation, but rather on our own willingness and readiness to heal.

Take action . This means not being passive or resigned to our fate, but rather being proactive and responsible for our own improvement . It also means not being paralyzed by fear or doubt, but rather being courageous and confident in our abilities3 . Taking action can help us overcome inertia and apathy, and create positive changes in our lives. With SHIP therapy, this means seeking help when we need it, and not suffering in silence. It also means committing to the therapy, and attending the sessions regularly and punctually. It also means applying what we learn in the therapy to our daily life, and making changes that support our healing and well-being.

Practice misfortune. This means exposing ourselves to challenging or uncomfortable situations voluntarily, in order to train ourselves to cope better with adversity. It also means imagining the worst-case scenarios that could happen to us, and preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally for them. Practicing misfortune can help us reduce our attachment to external things, and increase our gratitude for what we have. With SHIP therapy, this means facing our emotional pain and trauma, instead of avoiding or suppressing them. It also means accepting the possibility that things may not go as we wish or expect, and being ready to deal with them.

Love your fate. This means embracing whatever happens to us as part of the divine plan or the natural order of things. It also means not complaining or resenting our situation, but rather finding meaning and purpose in it. Loving our fate can help us accept the reality of our condition, and make the best out of it. With SHIP therapy, this means seeing our depression as an opportunity for growth and transformation, instead of a curse or a punishment. It also means trusting that everything that happens to us is for our highest good, even if we don’t understand it at the moment.

Be mindful. This means being aware of our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and actions in the present moment. It also means being attentive to the external world around us. Being mindful can help us avoid being distracted by irrelevant or harmful thoughts, and focus on what matters most. With SHIP therapy, this means being fully present and engaged in the sessions, and paying attention to what is happening within us and between us and our therapist. It also means being mindful of our triggers and patterns, and noticing how they affect us and others.

Be self-aware . This means examining ourselves regularly and honestly. It also means being humble and willing to learn from others. Being self-aware can help us identify our strengths and weaknesses, and work on improving ourselves. With SHIP therapy, this means being open and transparent with ourselves and our therapist, and sharing our thoughts and feelings without hiding or lying. It also means being receptive to feedback and suggestions, and acknowledging our mistakes and achievements.

Be compassionate . This means being kind and helpful to ourselves and others. It also means forgiving ourselves and others for their mistakes. Being compassionate can help us reduce our anger and resentment, and increase our empathy and connection. With SHIP therapy, this means being gentle and supportive to ourselves and our therapist, and not judging or criticizing ourselves or others. It also means letting go of grudges and grievances, and expressing gratitude and appreciation to ourselves and others.

These are some of the Stoic principles that can help you deal with depression with SHIP therapy. You can meditate and journal on them daily, and apply them to your specific situation. Remember that Stoicism and SHIP therapy are not quick fixes or magic bullets, but ways of life that require practice and discipline. They may not work for everyone, and they may not be enough by themselves. If you are suffering from depression, you should also seek professional help and support from your doctor, therapist, family, or friends. Remember to keep searching until you find the solution and process that is right for you!

Does relationship counseling work?

Tue, 20 Jun 2023 15:55:43 GMT

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What is Depression?

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 19:35:33 GMT

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How Communication and Connection Can Make or Break Your Relationships

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 16:04:53 GMT

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Does psychotherapy work and why you should give it a go.

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 15:29:30 GMT

Why Ship Therapy Works: A New Perspective

Many people think that therapy works because it provides validation and empathy that we can’t get in isolation. They believe that we need someone else to listen to us, understand us, and affirm us, and that without this, we feel lonely, depressed, and hopeless. While validation and empathy are certainly important and beneficial, they are not the only or the main reasons why therapy works. In fact, therapy works not because it gives us something we lack, but because it helps us discover something we already have.

Ship therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on facilitating the spontaneous healing processes in clients. It is based on the assumption that every person has an innate capacity to heal from psychological wounds and traumas, and that this healing can occur spontaneously when the right conditions are met. Ship therapy does not focus on pathology or diagnosis, but on creating a safe and supportive environment for the client to access their own healing resources.

Ship therapy works because it helps us develop the skills and attitudes to validate and empathise with ourselves and others, regardless of our external circumstances. Ship therapy works because it teaches us how to connect with ourselves and others in meaningful ways, not because it compensates for our lack of connection.

What does this mean? It means that ship therapy helps us learn how to listen to our own thoughts and feelings, without judging or rejecting them. It means that ship therapy helps us understand our own motivations and needs, without blaming or shaming ourselves. It means that ship therapy helps us affirm our own worth and value, without depending or relying on others. It means that ship therapy helps us accept ourselves as we are, while also encouraging us to grow and change.

It also means that ship therapy helps us learn how to listen to others’ thoughts and feelings, without interrupting or dismissing them. It means that ship therapy helps us understand others’ motivations and needs, without criticising or attacking them. It means that ship therapy helps us affirm others’ worth and value, without manipulating or exploiting them. It means that ship therapy helps us accept others as they are, while also supporting them to grow and change.

By developing these skills and attitudes, we become more confident, resilient, and compassionate. We become more capable of handling stress, conflict, and uncertainty. We become more open to new experiences, perspectives, and opportunities. We become more fulfilled, happy, and healthy.

Ship therapy works because it empowers us to be our best selves and to relate to others in the best ways possible. Ship therapy works because it transforms us from within, not because it fixes us from without.

If you are interested in experiencing the benefits of ship therapy for yourself, contact any of us on https://www.ship.org.za/contact-us/ today to book a session with one of our qualified and experienced ship therapists. We are here to help you discover your own potential and connect with others in meaningful ways.

Does Psychotherapy work? Why realization does not lead to transformation

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 14:07:45 GMT

What is SHIP therapy and why it works when healing depression and anxiety.

Ship therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on facilitating the spontaneous healing processes in clients . It is based on the assumption that every person has an innate capacity to heal from psychological wounds and traumas, and that this healing can occur spontaneously when the right conditions are met . Ship therapy does not focus on pathology or diagnosis, but on creating a safe and supportive environment for the client to access their own healing resources .

The statement that realisation doesn’t lead transformation implies that simply becoming aware of one’s problems or issues is not enough to change them. This is consistent with the ship therapy approach, which believes that healing is not a cognitive or rational process, but a natural and organic one that involves the whole person . Ship therapy does not aim to provide insight or explanation to the client, but to allow them to experience their emotions and sensations in a non-judgmental way, and to trust their own inner wisdom . Ship therapy also does not prescribe any specific techniques or interventions, but rather follows the client’s lead and adapts to their unique needs and pace .

Therefore, ship therapy can be seen as a way of supporting the client’s spontaneous healing process, rather than trying to direct or control it. It is based on the premise that realisation is not enough to transform one’s life, but that transformation can happen when one is able to reconnect with their true self and their natural potential .The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

Is Depression Caused by Low Serotonin, and do anti-depressants work?

Tue, 16 May 2023 16:12:54 GMT

We need to talk about how effective psychiatric medication is, especially with the ever rising cases world wide of depression and suicide.

Is Depression Caused by Low Serotonin?

Serotonin is a chemical in your brain that helps you feel happy and calm. Some medicines for depression, called antidepressants, work by making more serotonin available in your brain. But does this mean that depression is caused by low serotonin levels, or that increasing serotonin can cure it? In this article, we will look at the evidence from different kinds of research and question this idea.

The idea that depression is caused by low serotonin levels or activity in the brain is called the serotonin theory of depression. This idea came up in the 1960s and 1970s, when researchers noticed that some drugs that affect serotonin levels, such as LSD and reserpine, could make people feel depressed, while others, such as tryptophan and fenfluramine, could make people feel better. However, these observations were not consistent or conclusive, and did not prove that serotonin causes depression.

Since then, many researchers have tried to test the serotonin theory of depression using different methods and measures.

These include:

Measuring serotonin and its breakdown product (5-HIAA) in body fluids, such as blood, spinal fluid, and urine.
Measuring how much serotonin sticks to its receptors in the brain using special scans or after death.
Measuring how much of the protein that moves serotonin back into the nerve cells after it is released is present in the brain using special scans or after death.
Reducing the amount of tryptophan, the building block of serotonin, in healthy people or people with depression and seeing how they feel.
Looking at whether differences in the gene that makes the protein that moves serotonin back into the nerve cells are linked to depression or make people more sensitive to stress.

However, a recent review of 17 studies that covered these areas of research found little evidence to support the serotonin theory of depression ¹ . The review found that:

Two studies that combined results from other studies measuring 5-HIAA found no link with depression (largest number of people = 1002) ¹ .
One study that combined results from other studies measuring serotonin in blood found no link with depression, and evidence that lower serotonin levels were linked to taking antidepressants (number of people = 1869) ¹ .
Two studies that combined results from other studies measuring how much serotonin sticks to its receptors in the brain found weak and inconsistent evidence of less sticking in some areas ¹ . This could mean more serotonin is available in the brain for people with depression. However, they could not rule out the effects of taking antidepressants before.
Three studies that combined results from other studies measuring how much of the protein that moves serotonin back into the nerve cells is present in the brain found weak and inconsistent evidence of less protein in some areas ¹ . This could also mean more serotonin is available in the brain for people with depression. Again, they could not rule out the effects of taking antidepressants before.
One study that combined results from other studies reducing tryptophan in healthy people or people with depression found no effect in most healthy people (number of people = 566), but weak evidence of an effect in those with a family history of depression (number of people = 75) ¹ .
One study looking at differences in the gene that makes the protein that moves serotonin back into the nerve cells found no link with depression ¹ .
One review looking at whether differences in the gene that makes the protein that moves serotonin back into the nerve cells interact with stress to cause depression found no link ¹ .

The authors of the review concluded that there is little evidence to support the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin levels or activity ¹ . They also suggested that antidepressants may work by other ways than increasing serotonin ¹ , such as making new brain cells grow, reducing inflammation, or making people feel better because they expect to.

Therefore, based on the current evidence, it seems that the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin levels or activity is not well supported by facts. This does not mean that serotonin has nothing to do with mood or depression, but rather that its role is more complicated and involves other chemicals and systems ¹ . Depression is likely to be influenced by many things, such as your genes, your thoughts, your relationships, and your environment ² , and making it about one chemical may be simplifying a complex problem.

Natural treatments

Some natural substances may have some effects on serotonin levels or mood, but there is not much evidence to support their effectiveness or safety. Some of them are:

SAM-e. This is a compound that is naturally found in the body and helps make serotonin and other chemicals. It may have some antidepressant effects, but it may also cause side effects such as nausea, headache and anxiety ³ .
Saffron. This is a spice that may have some antidepressant effects, but it may also cause side effects such as bleeding, allergic reactions and interactions with other drugs ³ .
St. John’s Wort. This is a herb that may have some antidepressant effects, but it may also cause side effects such as photosensitivity, nausea and interactions with many drugs.
Lifestyle changes. Some changes in your diet, exercise, sleep and stress management may improve your mood and brain health. Some of them are:
Cutting sugar, processed food and artificial sweeteners. These foods may cause inflammation, blood sugar spikes and cravings that can affect your mood.
Increasing protein, fruits, vegetables and omega-3 fatty acids. These foods may provide nutrients, antioxidants and healthy fats that can support your brain function and mood.
Exercising regularly. Physical activity can release endorphins, reduce stress and improve your self-esteem and body image.
Getting enough sleep. Sleep can help regulate your mood, hormones and immune system.
Practicing relaxation techniques. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises and other methods can help you cope with stress, anxiety and negative emotions.

Supplements

Some supplements may help regulate serotonin levels or mood, but they may also interact with other medications or cause side effects. Some of them are:
Tryptophan. This is an amino acid that is the building block of serotonin. It may have some antidepressant effects, but it may also cause side effects such as nausea, drowsiness and headache.
5-HTP. This is a compound that is made from tryptophan and is a step closer to serotonin. It may have some antidepressant effects, but it may also cause side effects such as nausea, drowsiness and headache.
L-theanine. This is an amino acid that is found in green tea and may have some calming effects on the brain.

These are some of the alternatives to SSRIs for treating depression. However, before you try any of them, you should talk to your health care provider about the benefits, risks and interactions of each option. You should also not stop taking your SSRI without consulting your health care provider first, as this may cause withdrawal symptoms or worsen your depression.

Future research should explore other aspects of serotonin function and interaction with other chemicals and systems, as well as other possible causes and treatments for depression.

References

: Depression and serotonin: Review questions decades-old theory. (2022, July 26). Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/low-serotonin-might-not-cause-depression-but-why-do-ssris-still-work

: Moncrieff, J., Cooper, R. E., Stockmann, T., Amendola, S., Hengartner, M. P., & Horowitz, M. A. (2022). The serotonin theory of depression: a systematic umbrella review of the evidence. Molecular Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-022-01661-0

: Gowers, E. (1954). The Complete Plain Words. Her Majesty’s Stationery Office.

: Serotonin: The natural mood booster. (2021, July 20). Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/serotonin-the-natural-mood-booster

: Brighten, J. (2021, May 21). How Does Serotonin Affect Depression? Dr. Jolene Brighten. https://drbrighten.com/how-does-serotonin-affect-depression/

Does Depression Ever Go Away?

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 12:23:38 GMT

Understanding and growing from depression

Hello and welcome, I’m a body based therapist who has navigated and overcome many depressive episodes in my life. In this post, I want to share with you some of the tools and strategies that I use to not only cope with depression, but to learn from it and to thrive.

Body based therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps you identify and facilitate the natural healing processes that are already present in your body and mind. Body based therapy does not focus on pathology, but on healing and growth. It helps you release the emotional blocks that keep you stuck in negative patterns, and reconnect with your true self.

I’ve been in my own body based therapy process since 2000, and I’ve been practicing body based therapy for the last 10 years. I’ve seen amazing transformations in myself and my clients, and I’m passionate about sharing this powerful method with you.

One of the core principles of body based therapy is that depression is like your soul running a fever. It is an indication that you are not on the right path, or that there is a loss of self that needs to be mourned and integrated into your wealth of wisdom. Depression teaches us, and it will not let up until it brings us to what is not complete.

This means that depression is not something to be feared or avoided, but something to be embraced and explored. Depression is an opportunity to heal and grow, to discover new aspects of yourself, and to align yourself with your true purpose.

Of course, this does not mean that depression is easy or pleasant. It can be very painful and debilitating at times. That’s why I also use other tools and strategies to support my body based therapy process and to enhance my well-being.

Some of these tools are:

Exercise: Physical activity can boost your mood, energy, and self-esteem. It can also help you release stress, improve your sleep, and prevent chronic diseases. I try to exercise at least three times a week, doing something that I enjoy and that challenges me.
Cold water exposure: Exposing yourself to cold water can have many benefits for your mental and physical health. It can stimulate your nervous system, increase your blood circulation, reduce inflammation, and enhance your immune system. It can also help you overcome fear, build resilience, and feel more alive. I like to take cold showers or swim in cold water whenever I can.
Intermittent fasting: Intermittent fasting is a way of eating that involves cycling between periods of eating and fasting. It can help you regulate your blood sugar, improve your metabolism, lower your cholesterol, and promote cellular repair. It can also help you improve your focus, clarity, and mood. I usually fast for 16 hours a day, eating only between noon and 8 pm.
Breathwork: Breathwork is a practice of consciously controlling your breathing patterns to achieve various physical, mental, and emotional benefits. It can help you calm your mind, relax your body, release emotions, and access altered states of consciousness. I practice different types of breathwork depending on my needs and goals.
Meditation: Meditation is a practice of training your attention and awareness to achieve a state of mental clarity, calmness, and insight. It can help you reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, enhance your memory, creativity, and empathy, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and happiness. I meditate daily for at least 10 minutes.

These are some of the tools that I use to cope with depression and to thrive in life. They are not meant to replace professional help or medication if needed, but to complement them and to empower you to take charge of your own healing process.

If you are interested in learning more about body based therapy or any of these tools, feel free to contact me.

Thank you for reading, I hope it was helpful and inspiring for you.

Remember: Depression is not a curse; it is a blessing in disguise. It is an invitation to heal yourself from within.

Until next time...

The Power to Heal is Within

Tue, 21 Jan 2020 15:56:50 GMT

You have probably been looking around for answers, for doctors for medication for something fix the way you feel. You might be feeling helpless and powerless to do anything about it, about "your" depression or the belief that you are just an anxious person and that's that. This is simply not true, the brain can adapt, it can also adjust and heal itself. The feeling of depression and anxiety are both calls to action, it is your brain responding to your environment. If you've spent a lifetime getting to the way you think and feel, what makes you think taking a magic pill will change it? It will take effort, it will take work and it will take courage to make changes in your life in your relationships and the way you spend you days.

If you break your leg and you take painkillers to numb the pain then your leg will grow back wonky and you will limp and be in constant pain. What is needed is a healing space, sometimes to re-break it, you need to stay off it for a while to let it heal and then ultimately you need prevent from doing the same thing again that broke it in the first place. If your mind and your environment is filled with poisonous people and thoughts then your psyche, your emotional state will become toxic and that is what leads to dis-ease.

It's only after you start doing something about it, after you heal from your past that you can start focusing on your future. Listen to your body, listen to your symptoms, they are drawing you to change, to healing and a better life. It needs you to take action though, so drive it, create the healing space do the basics, go for therapy, eat right, exercise, learn to manage your thoughts and keep track of what is going on inside.

How to Have Happier Relationships

Mon, 16 Sep 2019 10:46:46 GMT

Every relationship is communication, its in the way we speak and the way we react to each other. Knowing when you are reacting versus when you are communicating is what makes the difference. We let our emotions choose how we respond instead of choosing ourselves, instead of acting in our own best interest. We do this at home, at work and with friends and if you cannot communicate effectively, it will make you poorer in every aspect of your life. The key I leave you with here is how to have a happier life, follow me on Twitter on #AndrewPsyc and stay tuned on a full on communication course developed over 35 years. And start to not only fix your relationships, but also your depression and your anxiety.

The Benefit of a Clinical Psychologist Mediator

Fri, 05 Jul 2019 10:24:57 GMT

Every relationship is communication, conflict and disagreements are by-products of missed messages, misinterpretations, learnt behavior and emotionally reflexive responses. Poor communication can be destructive and expensive if not effectively mediated.

Adding a well-trained clinical psychologist to a legal team as mediator can save money and time and result in finding a solution that better serves all the people involved in a dispute, whether it be in the context of divorces, family businesses, businesses, custody battles, personal injury law suits, discrimination suits, other workplace complaints and court room preparation and strategy. Following is an explanation in support of this statement.

There are many options available in Cape Town for those in need of a mediator. Employing a mediator is a grudge spend for all. You are already at odds with another person or organisation and spending more money to try and resolve it can be a massive pain. So saving money, and concluding the dispute should be your top priorities. Attorneys will usually recommend that their clients select a retired judge, former big firm partner, or famed trial lawyer-turned-mediator as mediators.

While these mediating powerhouses provide excellent service to large-scale commercial lawsuits, there are many other situations that a clinical psychologist mediator can save you time and money. More specifically, someone who is trained in communication and interactional pattern analysis, someone who is equipped and has the temperament to deal with people experiencing emotional extremes. An example would be a divorce attorney working with clients in a heightened emotional state going through one of the most difficult and emotionally provoking transitions in their lives.

An emotionally driven person could trip themselves up, and will, more often than not, not act in their own best interest. The combination of hurt, anger, fear, resentment and the law is a dangerous and potentially expensive one. There is a difference between a lawyer with a great “deskside” manner and a clinical psychologist who is skilled in dealing with a person in an irrational emotionally charged state. When it becomes about pride, control, revenge and dread for one’s future and perhaps the future of children, then logic will not always come out on top. Stressful situations can bring the worst out of the best people. This is because any relationship IS communication, and conflict left unchecked, in any interaction will result in violence or disengagement, the final destinations in a process of communication breakdown, also known as a failed relationship or unresolved dispute.

A clinical psychologist mediator can also be of assistance during witness or testimony preparation. Being able to respond strategically to sensitive topics and having insight into how emotions can be triggered and how to respond when an attempt is made to provoke a response, could influence the outcomes of a case or dispute. A psychologist mediator trained in communication and interactional pattern analysis can be of immense benefit to both the client and legal team.

A clinical psychologist is a valuable resource in the process of divorce or any other dispute. It is common for lawyers to refer clients to clinical psychologists in Cape Town and across the world, for one-on-one, on-line or Skype based assistance/therapy. Attorneys also refer clients to psychologists for assessment. Treatment can help heal some of the wounds so that solutions to disagreements can be found. Assessments provide information that give context for the behaviour of adults, teams and kids that can be used to inform decisions made in different disputes or sensitive situations in a business and legal context.

In addition, the value of a clinical psychologist’s skill who is trained in interactions, communication and pattern analysis can be applied to many different situations. A clinical psychologist mediator with this training background can also be a valued, neutral resource in estate planning, inheritance, dysfunction in family business or other businesses. A specifically trained clinical psychologist can also be effective in other litigation matters such as employment discrimination, sexual harassment, assault or molestation. A clinical psychologist mediator and communications expert is of value in all delicate matters. This is because communication and relationships are central to all human interactions.

For example, consider the emotional needs of both parties during a divorce, family business, or business dispute. In all these cases there is an underlying motivator, a basic need to be heard, an ego to protect and control to be maintained in addition to material gain. Teasing out the emotional needs behind the dispute, re-framing them into understandable requests and coming to a workable solution, might take more than the active listening skills usually applied by a mediator. A trained and experienced clinical psychologist can validate, provide accurate empathy and ground the messages and needs underlying the emotionally driven words and actions. A skilled clinical psychologist mediator can also transfer skills so that both parties engaged in the dispute learn and grow from the experience, in addition to finding a workable solution. Only when the emotional cost of lost expectations or dreams, a personal attack and/or emotional hurt has come to rest, can a dispute come to a resolve.

It is common for an attorney mediator to weigh up the costs and benefits of legal action and then to make a decision based on the probability of a favorable outcome. Clinical psychologist mediators on the other hand contribute by facilitating and matching client emotion, pace and language. A skilled Clinical psychologist mediator can simultaneously spot issues, apply rule to fact and draw conclusions. By doing this he/she provides a space where the client is heard, understood and guided towards acting in his/her best interest in a patient and effective manner. This is done by focusing on the process and not the content. Basically by focusing on why something is said, and not how or what is said.

Below are some examples of Process/why (Control, Closeness, Compliance) and Content what/how (Observed Behaviour) and effective and ineffective maneuvers.

A trained clinical psychologist mediator will not only pick up on what was said, but also the intent with which it was said. By being able to pick up on the relational dynamics in the mediation room the clinical psychologist can help facilitate a mutually beneficial solution.

An example of how a breakdown in communication can trip up negotiations : A child has special needs and the mother asks her ex for more money. She is maneuvering for compliance without first setting proper context with evidence. Without proper context her request could feel like a maneuver for control (attack) by the father, in which case he will escalate by accusing (attacking) the mother of extortion (blame). The mother will in turn accuse the father of being stingy (defend, and counter attack) to which the father could respond that she just wants to punish him further for cheating (defend, and jump to another logical level, or another emotional topic, which is unresolved trauma in the relationship=infidelity and loss of trust, damaged ego, confusion, self-blame, fear etc.), after switching to another logical level and triggering a whole bunch of emotions, the father is now in control. The wife then responds (defends) on the emotional hurt of the infidelity and anger etc. which overrides logic and the original request is lost. She likely responds by saying: “I hate you and I hope you burn in hell!” Once a conversation has escalated to this point one could expect her to leave the room or hang up the phone or physically attack him. So, the child’s needs aren’t met and the conversation ends in disengagement or violence.

In this case the need for extra money for the child remained unmet, the relationship has suffered further damage by the interaction becoming an emotional escalation, wasting time and money. This pattern of escalation can be identified and stopped by a trained clinical psychologist mediator, saving both time and money, while serving the needs of the child and preserving civility in an already fragile relationship. If needed, evidence could also have been gathered form psychometric assessments in order to support the request for more money. A clinical psychologist mediator can therefore intervene and help salvage or prevent an explosive situation. Thorough preparation can also help prepare both attorney and client to interact and respond more strategically.

The same principles will apply when dealing with any negotiation.

An example of an escalating pattern of interaction is depicted below:

A massive plus of including a clinical psychologist mediator is the added benefit of having someone who approaches the same situation from a different angle. An attorney will focus on building a case based on sufficient provable evidence in an attempt to secure a favourable outcome for their client. The clinical psychologist mediator working in collaboration with the attorney can focus on the emotional impact and motivation behind the case.

A clinical psychologist can provide context for a case by finding out what a client’s emotional drive or motivation is, whether it be a divorce, business related, harassment, personal injury, liability claim etc. A clinical psychologist mediator will be able to ask different and more personal questions to extend the knowledge base for mediation. These factors all contribute to draw up the costs and benefits of engaging in a legal dispute, and thoroughly explore possible outcomes.

A well trained and experienced clinical psychologist mediator’s value can be seen in the mediation process itself as well as in being part of the case formulation and investigation phase. Unlike attorneys, psychologists are trained to get to the deeper meaning, to get people to talk about their lives by providing the human space. A clinical psychologist is trained to see the bigger picture and provide context for, and insight into behaviour. By adding these skills to the mediation process a clinical psychologist is able to facilitate greater understanding, provide creative options and possibly a quicker resolution.

It is important to note that a clinical psychologist mediator, like any other mediator, operates from a neutral stance and is not present in the capacity of a treating clinician. A clinical psychologist mediator’s role is not to diagnose or treat the parties involved, like it is not the role of an attorney mediator to legally advise or represent a client involved in the mediation. An attorney mediator’s legal knowledge is an asset to the client and the mediation process, just like the clinical psychologist’s knowledge around patterns of interaction, personality structures, insight into emotionally driven actions and personal needs would be.

How to start fixing your relationship/marriage or toxic work environment

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 12:45:09 GMT

An introduction into managing expectations and dealing with conflict.

It is important to note that any interaction or relationship is communication and we can gauge the quality of a relationship and to large extent a person’s mental health by the quality of their interpersonal interactions. Our communication styles are learnt and influenced by people, events and emotional triggers that we acquire throughout our lives.

The first introduction we have to relationships and therefore communication and how to do it is through our parents which, for some, is a blessing and an inspiration and for other it’s a cycle of fighting and emotional triggers. An example of communication and emotional triggers: Some of us grow up in homes ran by our moms, while others grow up in homes ran by their dads. We then enter relationships with certain expectations based on the experiences we grew up with. Failure to meet those expectation could lead to some troubles. A guy growing up in a house operated by his mom could end up waiting for his wife or partner to take charge and organise things and the woman who grew up in her dad’s home waits for her guy or partner to take initiative. And so, the whole thing falls flat as both parties feel like the other person has dropped them or is not as invested in the relationship. When our expectations aren’t met, we get pissed off. That’s the case with most of us, we get angry and we start a fight, the other person becomes the enemy because they made you feel like crap, but actually it’s your crap, it’s you who didn’t say what you want, or you did, but the other person didn’t hear you.

A story depicting this mismatch or the lack of setting context that I heard and quite like: A couple of newlyweds sit down for dinner which they prepared together. After dinner the man sits down on the couch and watches TV. The lady, in surprise, looks at her husband and asks, what on earth are you doing? He innocently replies that he is watching TV. Now, the stage is set for disaster, but instead the woman walks over to him and sits down next to him and asks him why he feels it unnecessary to help her. He responds that’s the woman’s job. She then asks him where he learnt that? He says that’s the way my parents always did it.

Now the thing about this example is that there was never a conversation about expectation, role definition and need. And when that conversation does come up in the heat of the moment then the question she asked could have landed as an attack and he will most probably would have responded with defence and counter attack. He could have felt the attack or experienced her question as criticism based on his past experiences in which case, he could have said that he deserved a break and that he’d been working all day. In turn, she could say that he always does this and expects her to be his servant. She could also say that she had been working all day and that he only thinks about himself. Now, her need was for him to help her, this probably would’ve made her feel appreciated and respected, but instead the conversation turns into a tit for tat. This pattern looks like the diagram above.

Once we get stuck into the blame and defence cycle there is very little chance for a favourable outcome. Both parties will escalate their attacks, become increasingly personal and either party will either give up and walk away or resort to violence. It is imperative to be able to recognise this pattern of interaction regardless of the nature of the relationship. When it does occur, both parties should have equal right to call for a pause, and state in simple terms that he/she feels attacked and ask the other person to clarify the need or request, coupled with what it will mean to you should this need be met.

· Checking in first with the other party if now is a good time to make a request or clarify something.

· Set Context by saying how you feel and make sure that your request is free from blame (I feel… with no buts!) and add in what it would mean or how you would feel should this request be met.

· Emotional Response Check: If the other person defends, accept that your message or request was unsuccessful and take responsibility that the request or context landed as a blame and attempt to rephrase and clarify.

It sounds simple and elementary, but we never learn these skills or how to go about diffusing a situation once it settled into the back and forth described above.

This is but one example of how easy a destructive pattern of interaction can stem from past emotional experiences. This emotional response coupled with ineffective communication styles and unresolved issues has the potential to lead to toxic work relationships, poor performing work teams, conflict at home and with friends and will inevitable lead to symptoms related to anxiety and depression as one becomes isolated and angry.

The point of psychotherapy and communications training is to identify and heal emotional triggers and to learn to speak with someone rather than at someone. It is my goal, as psychotherapist based in Cape Town, to teach a different way of communicating. As psychologist I am trained to identify these patterns and whether you live in Cape Town or London the patterns will most likely be similar and will most likely repeat. When seeing a psychologist as a couple, for increased corporate team effectivity or as individual seeking to improve or heal, communication will always remain a key aspect that must be explored whether in a workshop or psychotherapy.

Quality of Interaction = Quality of Life

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 21:42:19 GMT

Better Communication at home and at work - Free Guideline

Variables Required for Healthy Interpersonal Communication and Interaction Explained

Effective communication is about understanding and consistently integrating these variables
into a more effective communication style when one or more are lacking.
Your interactional pattern will determine the way you perceive the world and how the world
perceives you. People either create an environment at home and at work which is conducive to growth, job
satisfaction and rewarding interactions or they create an environment that is experienced as
personally and financially expensive, rejecting, tense and destructive.

Questions to ask yourself related to the effects of poor communication to think about
while familiarizing yourself with the content of this document:
• Are people naturally attracted to me and is it easy for me to make friends and function
within my work team?
• Are my instructions easily followed and are our goals usually achieved?
• Do people interact with me in an abrupt and dismissive manner?
• Do I find myself blaming others for mistakes made, or am I perhaps the one often
shouldering the blame?
• Are there certain needs that are unmet?
• Are there miscommunications within my team resulting in arguments or poor team
performance?

Context Creates Meaning
Context is the frame or surrounding in which the interaction and communication occur.
Interactions can only be explained and understood within their context. The same behavior,
word or phrase in different contexts can hold significantly different meanings. The phrase “I
hate you” will create question and confusion in isolation, but in the context of a person
having gotten a fright in response to a surprise birthday party it will hold a different meaning
when compared to a victim of infidelity saying it to his/her partner.

Before one engages in communication, effective context needs to be set. Confusion and
misinterpretation occurs when context is not adequately established, or when contexts are
mixed. An example of mixed contexts is when a father and son work together. The context of
family functioning and business conduct are mixed and could serve to contaminate the
interactions and communications with the rest of the team.

An example of setting proper context: A business owner sits across the table from an
employee who has underperformed and misbehaved over an ex- tended period and has
failed to adjust his behaviour accordingly with assistance. The business owner informs the
employee that his employment at the company has ended and lists the reasons directly and
factually, leaving little room for interpretation and question. The employee is shocked and
becomes somewhat emotional. The business owner ends the meeting, walks around the
desk, and tells his son that he heard that he had just lost his job, and asks how he can help
him move forward.

The two contexts were clearly separated and the communication between the two
individuals changed appropriately from one to the other, minimizing the potential for
rejection, isolation, and conflict.

Setting context involves setting the stage for the interaction. In a business, this could include
clearly defining the goals of the email, meeting or discussion and checking that everyone
agrees with the goals set out. In a social or romantic relationship, an example of setting
appropriate context could be achieved by checking in.

An example of not checking in (not setting context): A husband returns from work after
losing a very important contract and is informed that he needs to make up the loss within the
next two months or he might be without work. As he walks through the door his wife, in a
somewhat irritable tone, asks him if he could take out the trash and reminds him that he
needs to fix the washing machine.

Her message is framed from her context, which was a calm day except for the frustration
surrounding the washing machine and the trash. His context is one characterized by stress
and disappointment. This brief interaction could result in either disengagement from his side
or retaliation, which will most likely be a verbal attack back and forth.

An example of checking in (setting context). The husband walks through the door and, in
this case, the wife asks him how his day was. He takes the time to explain his
disappointment, frustration, and stress. She in turn has time to listen and understand
and respond in line with his context. She explains that her work went well, but that she was battling
with the dishwasher earlier and the trash needed to be taken out as she did not have time to do it earlier.

The two now share context in which their communication can be adapted and understood
without basing their responses on the immediate emotional response.
Context frames set the scene and apply the lenses through which any piece of
communication is interpreted. Without proper context, the interaction can escalate to
violence, confusion, or disengagement before it has even started.

Definition of Relationship
It is important to note that none of the following definitions are “healthier” or more optimal
than the other. The important part to note is whether the participants can perform their
tasks, grow as individuals and employees and at the end of the day contribute in a manner
that will increase productivity.

Relationships can be defined in the following three ways:
1. Parallel: A relationship between equals. When equals interact with each other they
interchange leadership positions depending on the context and the goals of the
interaction. An example would be a couple or co-workers relying on each other’s strengths
and shifting leadership roles depending on the need presented by the situation.

2. Complementary: A relationship where there is a clear leader and follower and the
relationship remains defined in this manner across different contexts.

3. Power Struggle: Constant power struggle for control of the relationship. If the definition
of a relationship is not clearly defined, then both parties can get stuck in a cycle of conflict.
This does not only take time from both individuals, but also affects the rest of the team and
their over-all productivity.

When the context of the relationship is not properly defined, poor relation- ships could be
the result. This could lead to role confusion, infighting and power struggles that tend to
involve other members of the team, ultimately bringing down morale and productivity.

Clarity of Self-Presentation
Whether you present yourself in a clear and understandable manner, or not, impacts the
effectiveness of your instructions to your team, your ability to ask for assistance and speak
to clients. (Basically, during any interaction with another person).
Examples of ineffective self-presentation: Speaking rapidly, poor pronunciation, incomplete
sentences, illogical or unsystematic communication, leaping from one topic to another,
vague statements, conflicting messages.

Observable effect of poor self-presentation: The impact of poor self-presentation is usually
felt/observed before identified. Take note of the following results of poor self-presentation:
people losing interest in what you are talking about, feeling like people don’t like you or that
you are somehow rejected or ousted form the team.

Observable results of effective self-presentation: Acceptance and confirmation from others,
tasks are easily understood and executed, you are easily and regularly approached when
someone gets stuck or is unable to figure some- thing out.

Example: Imagine how you would respond to someone who asks you to do something for
them, but their manner comes across as apologetic, with drooped shoulders and a soft
voice? The first couple of times it would be okay, but the most likely outcome is irritation
and impatience leading to the need to disengage.

The opposite presentation would be a person who approaches you with open shoulders
presenting a clear message with appropriate volume and a definite outcome. This would
make the reason for the request clear, without the emotional component which could
contaminate the request.

Emotional Distance
In your team and in your relationships, you will find yourself being closer to some than to
others. You might find some people trying to get to close to you, which inevitably irritates
you and results in you increasing the distance between you.

The other side of the coin is that you might try to get to know someone and they in turn
distance themselves from you, which might feel like rejection or just plain hurt.
This becomes relevant in a work team where one person is required to learn from another,
perhaps a new employee, or when a person is promoted to a different role. The harder you
try the more distance is created between you and the other person to the point where the
relationship disintegrates.

An alternative would be to time our interactions to decrease the potential for reflexive
rejection, be careful to disrupt an ongoing conversation or to intrude in someone’s thinking
space. The way to create closeness is to invite a person to speak about themselves, explore
their interests and the things they find interesting. When a person is expressing excitement
over a topic, reflect on that emotion “I can see that this topic really excites you, I would like
to learn more about it”. When it is work related hear them out and help explore solutions, or
if the other person uses you to vent, use the same reflexive technique “This really irritates
you” or “I can understand that you are frustrated by this situation”.

This manner of reflexive listening is a learned skill and will require some practice. The good
thing is that you get to know the other person first which al- lows you to define the
relationship and build towards appropriate emotional distance, rather than to jump in feet
first with comments about yourself that might be inappropriate or lead them to
subconsciously judge or reject you.

Accurate Empathy, Congruence, and Unconditional Positive Regard
1. Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Accurate
verbalization of understanding, reflecting another’s feelings.
2. Congruence: genuine, integrated person who is freely him/herself in the interaction. The
opposite of congruence is a person who holds a façade, plays a role, superficiality.
3. Unconditional Positive Regard: Translates into the warm acceptance of every aspect of a
person’s experience without any pre-conditions to acceptance. It inherently means caring for
someone without being possessive. It effectively means that the interaction is free of
judgment.

A healthy relationship where a person can grow professionally and personally is characterized
by these factors. In the work context, an effective team where a person is safe to increase
their strengths and address their areas requiring improvement should be characterized by
these factors. It is perhaps more applicable to managers or team leaders where it is in their
interest to unlock the potential of their employees. In the absence of these factors a person
will likely feel unappreciated, exposed and vulnerable leading to stagnation and a waste of
potential.

Validation
Receiving validation from others means receiving the message that one has a valid, special,
or exceptional place as an individual and is appreciated for
one’s place in the company. Receiving or giving validation does not need to be a major event,
but should rather take the form of subtle or indirect messages that he/she offers valued
contributions to the team and is acceptable to others.
Validation is often a two-way street. If it is given it is often received in return. In the business
context, the absence of validation can lead to dissatisfaction, a decrease in motivation and
confusion about the value of one’s contribution.
Validation should be sincere and relevant to a person’s contribution when given. One of the
simplest ways of validating a person’s role or contribution is to express that appreciation
verbally by saying thank you and commenting on the value of their contribution. We need to
remind ourselves to do this as it often doesn’t come naturally.

Expression of Needs
The effective expression of needs to others is critical to a person’s wellbeing within a
company or team. Not bringing your needs to the table will typically render such a person
insignificant and invisible to others. Not expressing your needs will leave the other person
unaware of what you require and you might experience them as ignorant and uninterested.

On the other hand, if you express your needs in a demanding manner then you will likely be
met with defence, rejection, or withdrawal by the other party.
It is therefore up to you to define your needs clearly, gauge their importance and
communicate why they are important to you. Clarify what value meeting these needs hold for
you and how having your needs met will increase your ability to contribute to the team. If
you can explain these factors in detail, then there should usually not be a reason for your
needs not to be met.

An example would be if you were to ask anyone to go beyond what is expected of them.
Express your need: I need you to do X. Why is it important for you: Doing X will add value to
me because Y. If your request is not within limits it will also become clear to you.
Ineffective expression of needs will often take a demanding tone and leave the other person
asking themselves why they need to honour your request. Effective expression of needs can
serve all parties involved, regardless of the definition of the relationship.

Linear/Circular Approach
Usually a person will have a linear or circular approach to their environment.
Linear Approach: When a situation is viewed from only their own perspective it is usually
one-sided. People who maintain a linear approach will typically not recognize their share in
the outcome of an interaction. This will be evident in their tendency to blame others and/or
see themselves as the victim. Continuous blaming from a linear perspective will most likely
lead to hostility, defence and/or rejection and result in destructive behaviour between
parties.

Circular Approach: People with a circular approach consider perspectives other than their
own and can reflect on the impact that their contribution has on the outcome. They tend to
take responsibility for their actions and focus on solutions rather than spend time on finding
a person to blame. Adopting or working towards a circular approach will turn you into a problem solver and
effective team member. Problems become things to be addressed and not to be
sidestepped because you are able to take responsibility and work towards a solution, rather
than engaging in an exhaustive finger pointing exercise.

Degree of Interpersonal Flexibility and Rigidity
Different contexts require different ways of interacting. When engaged in giving
instructions and focusing on delivering a product or service one could expect a person to be
more rigid. This will be noted in the way instructions are given in a structured and definite
manner with little empathy for the team’s needs and experiences.
A person with a flexible interactional approach will then be able to speak with those people
who have concerns in a manner that addresses their concerns and requirements and is able
to compromise and find solutions.

A person with a rigid style of interaction will not easily compromise, and will stick to his/her
own point of view. A flexible style of interaction will include adaptability depending on
context. An overly flexible person will bend to the demands of his/her environment without
considering the impact or con- sequences of compliance which could lead to overloading,
exhaustion, and confusion about what is expected of you. Learn to say no along with
effectively expressing your needs. A well timed “no” can be more profitable than a poorly
timed “yes”.

An awareness of one’s level of rigidity vs flexibility can enable you to accommodate your
team’s needs while adjusting your interactional style to serve the purpose of the
interaction; whether it be a development meeting, sales meeting with clients or a one on
one interaction with an employee or co-worker seeking assistance. A person with effective
flexibility can integrate different approaches and opinions into his/her own understanding
of a topic to grow their understanding, rather than to defend a point of view or opinion
without the capacity to grow and adapt with the addition of new information.

Meta Communication
Any conflict or disagreement can only be resolved if all parties involved are able to pause
and communicate about their communication. This is done by both parties acknowledging
that they are having a difference in opinion and that both hold the potential for
contributing value. It is a process of neutralizing the emotional component of the
interaction and focusing on what message is being conveyed. This skill requires a high level
of emotional maturity where the parties involved are required to put their emotions on
hold to figure out how to move forward.

Once both parties can observe their own interactions they are on a higher order, or they
have meta-perspective, where they can abandon their linear approach for a circular one.
This is an extremely difficult skill to master and often requires a communications coach to
help those involved dissect the path leading up to the conflict.
A healthy meta communication exercise is to reflect on situations where poor
communication lead to emotional responses (Immediate or long-term) and to dissect the
interaction using these variables to understand the problem and adapt future
communication styles.

Adequacy of Problem Solving Skills
The essence of solving problems is the way you approach a challenge. Some people tend to
buckle under pressure and others tend to rise to the occasion. It is often a natural response
to being challenged directly whether you engage or disengage with the challenge.
Sometimes problem-solving skills can be acquired whether it is to deal with interpersonal
conflicts or when solving job specific challenges. An employee or manager will face different
challenges. Those challenges should be defined and addressed and the person equipped
appropriately to deal with them.

Inadequate problem-solving skills can manifest in “ducking and diving” behaviour or reverting
to a linear approach where others are blamed for short falls. The normal reaction to such
behaviour is penalties for underperformance, interpersonal conflict, feelings of incompetence
and cycles of blaming and defence.

Control
Being in control of your environment and feeling adequately equipped to tackle the
challenges presented to you will influence your belief in your ability to perform in a manner
that is expected of you.

The question is: Does your environment control you, or are you in control of your
environment? If a person feels like the environment is controlling them then feelings of
helplessness and passive behaviour might be the result. Feeling out of control usually points
to needed growth in one or more of the above-mentioned variables.

Not being able to express your needs or being overly flexible will leave you feeling
frustrated, overburdened, or simply like a slave to your work place. Not feeling in control
inevitably escalates to feelings of depression and anxiety and might require external
assistance to address.

Why Psychotherapy?

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 21:09:29 GMT

Therapy is not only for the clinically ill.

We accumulate experiences. Everyday, every minute and every second of our lives gets imprinted and encoded into our memories and into our bodies. Growing up we experience many psychological injuries, no matter where you grow up, Cape Town or Pretoria, South-Africa or the United States. The biggest issue with these events is that they bring about emotional discomfort, depression and anxiety. These feelings and these symptoms then become our illness, an illness that gets triggered by events that remind of injuries suffered in the past. When a spouse tells us "you are just like your dad" or a colleague give us constructive feedback we so often jump down their throats, because we feel attacked. We then jump to defend the little person inside who still remembers the pain who is still triggered in the here and now. It happens so often that we hear people say "I just don't know what came over me". What came over you is the manifestation of unresolved traumas creeping into the here and now.

Psychotherapy aims to resolve those experiences, so that you do not kick into fight or flight (anxiety/depression) when faced with troubling, yet familiar events. Addressing those events, feeling those emotions and allowing them to be released will leave you feeling lighter and free to choose how you want to respond to any given situation, instead of just reflexively lashing out.